DEAR DIARY

TODAY I AM REMINDED WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A QUEER, FAT VAMPIRE. I WAS TRYING TO CHANGE FROM A FLAPPITY BAT BACK INTO A VAMPIRE BUT WHEN I DID I SPLIT MY PANTS WIDE OPEN STRAIGHT UP TO THE NUTS!! HOLY JEEZ WAS MY BIG FAT FACE RED. I HAD TO RUN HOME AND BAKE MYSELF SOME BUTTERED LEMON POPPYSEED MUFFINS AND I ATE EVERY LAST ONE. I WASHED THEM DOWN WITH A BIG GLASS OF BLOOD , BUT I HOPE I DON'T HAVE AN EATING DISORDER.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!